Luke Dunstan

The Bad Jokes Thread

227 posts in this topic

I'm a sucker for bad jokes, they usually make me laugh more than good jokes...

Anybody got some terrible jokes they'd not normally share? stick them in here!

I'll start...

What's pink and hard?

A pig with a flick knife

Edited by Luke Dunstan

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Who can save 35+ times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

-Rather terrible...

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Who can save 35+ times a day and still have a beard?

.

A goalkeeper ;)

7 people like this

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what do you call a chicken with no head?

Dead

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What do you do if you come across a tiger in the Jungle?

Wipe it off and apologise.

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You are stuck in a room with a lion and Justin Bieber you have a gun and two bullets what do you do?

Shoot Justin Bieber twice obviously.

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What happened to the magic tractor? it turned into a field.

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As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys,tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor. His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends.

The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull.

He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence. But the company would have none of it and told him there was no liability and he could get lost!

You can imagine he was rather p****d off with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever.

All the posters came down, the toys were given away - tractors were GONE.

Many years later, Joe went into a bar for a drink. Inside, the cigarette and cigar smoke was terrible but through it he saw a beautiful girl seated at the bar on her own. Tears were streaming down her face.

Joe asked her what was wrong and she said that the smoke was making her eyes sting and stream with tears.

With that, Joe looked around and then took a huge breath, sucking in all the smoke. He then walked outside into the car park and blew all the smoke out again.

He went back into the bar where the air was now clear and sweet and sits down next to the girl.

"That was amazing!" she said, "How did you do that?"

"No problem", said Joe "I'm an extractor fan"

Terrible stuff right there...

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Man and a giraffe walk into a bar,, they both get pissed, man goes to leave, the barman shouts "oi, You cant leave that lien there" Man says "No, its not a lion, its a giraffe!"

28 Days Later

A deck of cards is like a women:

You need a heart to love them

A diamond to marry them

A club to beat them

A spade to bury them.

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What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

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What did the buffalo say to his son when he was off to school?

Bison.

Edited by weirdoku
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Yes, THIS is what I'm talking about!

It's probably my all time favourite joke :P

What job can I see myself doing?

Mirror inspector.

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What do you call 100 talibans holding hands?

Fireworks.

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What happened to the frog that broke down?.....

He got toad away.

OOSSSSSH!!!

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What do you call a tall black man?

Negros.

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What do you call a man floating down a river with no arms or legs? Bob

What do you call a man with no arms or legs lying on the floor? Matt

What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack

What do you call a man with a spade in his head? Dug

What do you call a man without a spade on his head? Dugless

What do you call a man who can't stand? Neil

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What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

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I came on here to drop the magic tractor one but got beaten by Tom!

What does the ocean say to the sand?

Nothing, it just waves :)

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"Your Mum"

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Why did the lobster blush?

Cause the seaweed

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Did you hear about the fire at the circus?

It was in tents

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Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion?

Da brie went everywhere

Edited by bikeperson45

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

Wheres my tractor

Edited by t-comp-kierz
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discuss? thought it was the 200m

ahem, bolts got it.

Haaaaaa.

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