Luke Dunstan

The Bad Jokes Thread

227 posts in this topic

How many welsh does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all live in feking caves.

It was only amusing when on Taffbow.

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What is the definition of a farmer?

A man outstanding in his field!

I think just "Outstanding in his field!" sounds better.

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I think just "Outstanding in his field!" sounds better.

Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

That would be the joke you're looking for ;)

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How many people of a certain demographic does it take to change a light bulb?

A finite number. One to screw in the lightbulb and the rest to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question.

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Viagra have released a new pill called Viagra007. It doesn't make you harder, it just makes you roger more.

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Did you hear about the guy who cooled himself to absolute zero?

Hes OK now.

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Where does Saddam Hussien keep his CD's?

He doesn't, he was executed in 2006.

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I wish everyone would stop criticising Jimmy Savile. When I was 8, he fixed it for me to milk a cow blindfolded.

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.

Edited by trialsiain

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Got home from the pub last night after a 6hr drinking marathon absolutely stinking of ale.

The wife said to me "Can't you just go out and have one quiet drink for once?!"

"No problem" I replied struggling out of the sofa, "I'll just get my coat!"

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Dear Noel Edmonds,

Send me £100k or I will say you touched me on Swapshop.

Deal or no deal?

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I tried to catch some fog...

...I mist.

I tried to catch some fog...

...I mist.

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Every time when I get home grom pub i am totally wasted. I realised that it is because of a particular beer, but I do not know which one. Last week I examined it and I found a conlcusion. It is the 18th one.

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why did Kate Middleton cross the road?

so she didnt have to get into the black mercedes

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If anyone ever needs an ark, I Noah guy.

Also, insomniacs: look on the bright side, only two more sleeps til Christmas!

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Want to hear two interest facts about me?

1. I'm banned from argos

2. My cock is the same length as an argos pen

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I called the RSPCA today and said, "I've just found a suitcase in the woods containing a fox and four cubs."

"That's terrible," she replied. "Are they moving?"

"I'm not sure, to be honest," I said, "But that would explain the suitcase."

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Cutting that down to fit in a tweet was taxing...

Called the RSPCA: "I found a suitcase, inside: a fox & 4 cubs" "That's terrible, are they moving?" "Not sure, but it'd explain the suitcase"

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How many french cats does it take to catch a fish?

Quatre!

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My Jimmy Saville advent calendar is crap. The flaps only open from 1-16

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No Moore Mr. Night Sky.

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1, what happens to a politician when you give him viagra?

he gets taller

2, guy comes out of an antique shop carrying a big grandfather clock, bumped into this drunk fell down broke the clock all to pieces guy gets up and says "why don't you watch where you going" the drunk says "why don't you carry a wristwatch like everybody else?"

3, man walks into a bar, ouch

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My next door neighbour has just confronted me about items missing from her washing line. I nearly sh*t her pants!

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Why did the black guy cross the road?

To get to the chicken on the other side..

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