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The Bad Jokes Thread


Luke Dunstan

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A priest was driving along one day and he saw a young boy sitting by the road crying. The priest stopped and walked over to the little boy. "Whats the matter?" The priest asked. The little boy replied "My mother, my father, brother and sister went over the cliff in the car and went boom" the priest looked over the edge and saw the mangled bodies and the car wreck. The priest looked away and his face soften then looked down at the boy and unzipped his fly and said "this just isn't your day".

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I went to the bakery the other day and all cakes were reduced to 30p each! So i picked the one i wanted and went to pay.

Baker said "That's £2.20 please"
"It says all cakes are 30p?" i replied

"Ye...but thats Madeira cake!"

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Enjoying myself in a night club last night, this really ugly girl come upto me, squeezed my arse and said "give me your number sexy"

I said "have you a pen?" she smiled and said "yes"

I said "well f*ck off back to it then before the farmer notices that you're missing"

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A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years

He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.

He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,

“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

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