*gentlydoesit Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 There were a family of balloons, mommy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon. One night baby balloon was playing with his knot, something mommy and daddy balloon told him never to do, but it felt so good he couldn't resist. He undid his knot and some air came out, baby balloon thought mommy and daddy would see he was smaller and be cross with him, worried, he tried to think of a way to hide it. "I know, if I undid mommy and daddy balloons knots a little we'd all be the right size and they won't notice" so he did. The next morning baby balloon awoke to mommy and daddy balloon sobbing, baby balloon asked what was wrong, mommy balloon said " I can't believe what you have done! You've let your daddy down, you've let me down but worst of all you've let yourself down. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe O'Connor Posted August 29, 2013 Report Share Posted August 29, 2013 ^That has to be one of the worst jokes I've ever heard. I love it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bing Posted August 30, 2013 Report Share Posted August 30, 2013 Can you tell what it is yet? Yes Rolf, it's a lengthy jail term Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted October 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted October 23, 2013 Just thought I'd nip over to my Nan's, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch. She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer so I'll come back some other time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bing Posted May 12, 2014 Report Share Posted May 12, 2014 Think it's time to ressurect this thread after a notable absence, and hearing some belters at work In an effort to prove he's not racist, Jeremy Clarkson has announced there will be more black people on Top Gear in future starting with a new "mystery driver" "The Nig" makes his debut this summer... Ryan giggs will turn down the man u job fulltime as he wants to spend more time with his brothers family There is another one about the Nigerian schoolgirls thing but it's a tad close to the bone and may result in a ban Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake. Posted May 12, 2014 Report Share Posted May 12, 2014 There is another one about the Nigerian schoolgirls thing but it's a tad close to the bone and may result in a ban Go onn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trialsbikingnunn Posted May 12, 2014 Report Share Posted May 12, 2014 what ship has never docked at Liverpool? The Premiership Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anzo Posted May 12, 2014 Report Share Posted May 12, 2014 My pornstar friend recently passed away, as a mark of respect we scattered his ashes across his wife's face. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted May 12, 2014 Report Share Posted May 12, 2014 There is another one about the Nigerian schoolgirls thing but it's a tad close to the bone and may result in a ban If it's racist don't bother ly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bing Posted May 12, 2014 Report Share Posted May 12, 2014 It's not racist, not even close. It's very immoral though Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitafox Posted May 13, 2014 Report Share Posted May 13, 2014 A man walks into a bar with a Giraffe and sits in the corner drinking with it all afternoon. Eventually they both go to leave but the Giraffe collapses on the floor, the landlord says to the man "You can't leave that lying there!" and the man replies "It's a Giraffe you idiot, not a Lion!" 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thebigjam101 Posted May 15, 2014 Report Share Posted May 15, 2014 Graveyards are so popular these days- I hear people are dying to get in them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HippY Posted May 15, 2014 Report Share Posted May 15, 2014 There is a mathematic convention with infinite amount of mathematicians First one goes in ask for.a beer Second ask half as the first, so half beer, third half as the guy before so 1/4 and so on The bartender says: you are all stupid an pours out 2 beers 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*gentlydoesit Posted May 15, 2014 Report Share Posted May 15, 2014 Whitty remark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted May 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2014 A man walks into a bar with a Giraffe and sits in the corner drinking with it all afternoon. Eventually they both go to leave but the Giraffe collapses on the floor, the landlord says to the man "You can't leave that lying there!" and the man replies "It's a Giraffe you idiot, not a Lion!" As made famous by which film? Fingers on buzzers... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitafox Posted May 16, 2014 Report Share Posted May 16, 2014 The one I watched the day before I posted it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted May 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2014 The one I watched the day before I posted it! I watched it just under a month ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted May 16, 2014 Report Share Posted May 16, 2014 I hate that film. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted May 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 16, 2014 I hate that film. That's not possible, maybe the plot is too difficult to follow??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JD™ Posted May 16, 2014 Report Share Posted May 16, 2014 I get scared by Scooby Doo. Believable scary shit is just not the way I want to spend my time relaxing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hill_393 Posted May 18, 2014 Report Share Posted May 18, 2014 What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe it off and apologise....... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitafox Posted May 18, 2014 Report Share Posted May 18, 2014 LONG JOKE WARNING! John walks into a pub with a head called Dave under his arm and puts it on the bar. Barman comes up and asks what they want so John and Dave both order a pint of lager. Dave downs his pint in one and all of a sudden he sprouts a body. "I'll have another one of those" shouts Dave and proceeds to down that as well. Like before he sprouts two arms so he shouts up another pint, downs that and grows 2 legs. "This is the best day of my life" says Dave excitedly, he orders one more pint to celebrate, downs it then POP he dissappears. The barman turns to John and says "He should have stuck while he was ahead!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManxTrialSpaz Posted May 18, 2014 Report Share Posted May 18, 2014 My dad's favourite joke also happens to be one of the worst I've ever had to listen to I'd recently moved house for a new job and had to walk to the train station to go to work. After a few days of walking to work, I'd started looking around, as you do, and noticed through a window of a house, a woman beating her child with a loaf of bread. Naturally, I thought this was quite strange, but ultimately ignored it and carried on to work. A few days later I noticed the same thing happening again; the same woman beating her child with a loaf of bread. I decided to keep an eye out when going to work and noticed that every morning, the woman was there, beating her son with a loaf of bread. At this point, I was considering going to the house and questioning the woman's actions, as they were very strange, and frankly unacceptable. So one morning, I was walking to work, peered through the window and there she was, beating her child, but with a cake! This was enough now, so I walked up to the door and rang the door bell. The woman answered, and I told her her my story, "I've been walking past your house and everyday you're beating your child with a loaf of bread and now today, you're beating him with a cake! Why are you doing this?", to which she curtly replied "It's his birthday!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukasMcNeal Posted May 18, 2014 Report Share Posted May 18, 2014 Why did George Michael have chocolate round his mouth? Because he was careless with his whisper. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isitafox Posted May 21, 2014 Report Share Posted May 21, 2014 "G'day mate, Aussie helpline here........What's the problem,....Cobber?..." "I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up." "Bummer, mate...!!!" "Thanks mate. I hadn't thought of that. Bye." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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