If Harry Potter is so magical, why can't he fix his own f*cking eyesight? If Ron Weasley is so magical, why cant he change the colour of his f*ckin hair? I went out on the town last night and I didn't pull, but as I was walking home I saw a big fat tart pissed up laying on the pavement. I took her knickers off and started shagging her. I was immediately pulled away and arrested. I never even saw the chalk line round her body. My daughter came out of the closet recently. I'm just pi**ed off that I can't afford a cellar like that showy Austrian c*nt. Just had a water fight over the park with a bunch of local kids. I won! No one's a match for me and my kettle. When watching Michael Jackson's coffin being pushed away by the Jackson Brothers, was anybody else reminded of those two words... Cool Runnings. Recently, I saw an article about Americans sending their old clothes over to the poor in Africa. Pointless, I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist. Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape. My mum caught me masturbating the other day. I'm not sure what freaked her out more: The fact that I had my hands down my pants Or that I was sat looking at my recently dead hamster while I did it. You know you've got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar. What's small black and irish ? lepricoon