as big a cliche as it is, you're not going to win any competitions with that one, just be confident in yourself. if not, Royhpnol is always a good one.
i fail to see how you can say 'if i caught my bird shagging another bloke i'd hospitalize him' chances are he's done nothing wrong, it's your girlfriend who's a whore...
why an ethernet to phone socket? surely your router has an ethernet port... and lag might be sorted out by not downloading or stuff when you're playing.