PaRtZ Posted June 23, 2007 Report Share Posted June 23, 2007 Two chickens in a bath tub, one says to the other 'Bbwwaaarrrkkk Burk buk' (chicken noise) The other turns around and says 'I'll turn the hot water off then' NO thats "two monkeys in a bath, one goes "ooo!! OOO! AHHH! AHHH!!!!!! OOOOOOH!! and the other says "put some cold in then" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muel Posted June 23, 2007 Report Share Posted June 23, 2007 NO thats "two monkeys in a bath, one goes "ooo!! OOO! AHHH! AHHH!!!!!! OOOOOOH!! and the other says "put some cold in then"Well this one actually makes sense.My contribution isn't a joke, just a funny happening.ME: I saw two lads from school the other day, snogging the faces off each other.BRO: Really?! ME: Yeh, I nearly threw up.DAD: Pack it in Donkey! (He refuses to call me Muel)I then pissed myself laughing.BRO: What you laughing at?ME: Dad said pack it in!BRO: Ayy?!! What?!ME: Like Fudge packers?BRO: What are they?ME: Jesus. OK, Poofters, Fairies, Quires, Arse Bandits, you know, Gays?DAD: Oh come on, thats enough at the tea table.BRO: I don't get it, why do you call them Fudge Packers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Razzy Posted June 28, 2007 Report Share Posted June 28, 2007 Got two jokes...What do you call an asian/welsh shepard?RAMALAMWhat do you call an asian Joiner?AHMED MASHED Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted June 28, 2007 Report Share Posted June 28, 2007 It's not a word joke, but walk around with your arm on your head, and ask someone to guess who you are, and whittly reply 'ahmed' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Clark Posted June 28, 2007 Report Share Posted June 28, 2007 A motorcyclist crashes into a woman, who's fault is it?The motorcyclist, he shouldn't have been riding in the kitchen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monty boi Posted June 29, 2007 Report Share Posted June 29, 2007 What does the Ku Klux Klan and formula 1 racing have in common?20 white guy's chasing a black man. Adam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManxTrialSpaz Posted July 5, 2007 Report Share Posted July 5, 2007 The names of the two Glasgow bombers have been released. Zinged Inajeep and Mohammad Zonfire.One can of petrol £5.402 Calor Gas bottles £42.50One second hand Jeep Cherokee £2,450Watching two twats burn alive. PricelessAnd one more.Liverpool airport was clsoed this morning due to the sighting of a suspicious vehicle parked outside. It was taxed, insured and still had a radio. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted July 5, 2007 Report Share Posted July 5, 2007 One can of petrol £5.402 Calor Gas bottles £42.50One second hand Jeep Cherokee £2,450Watching two twats burn alive. PricelessFish sent me that in a text, the real punchline kinda make it funnier, even my mum laughed at it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManxTrialSpaz Posted July 5, 2007 Report Share Posted July 5, 2007 the real punchline? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixed Pants™ Posted July 5, 2007 Report Share Posted July 5, 2007 Replace twats with the p word, and 'f**king priceless', swear words normally make naughty jokes funnier for some reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeeperThanBlack Posted July 5, 2007 Report Share Posted July 5, 2007 (edited) 1) A bear walks into a bar and goes, "I'd like a pint and...............A packet of crisps please"The barman goes "alright, but why the big pause?"Oh I'm a bear" it replyed, holding up its arm. Deserves a groan really.2) A man is crawling through the desert dying of thirst, when he sees a bar in the distance. With all his strength he gets to the bar, and he goes straight to the counter and asks for water. The barman says "who do you think you are, walking in here asking for a glass of water? You have to pass the three tests first." The dying man says "alright, what do I have to do?". The barman replys "Well, first you have to kill big John", pointing to a very large man at the back of the bar. He then says "then you must run up those stairs, and pull the bad tooth out the large bulldog's mouth. After that there is a door, and behind it is a prostitute. She is sad, show her a good time if you know what I mean...". The thirsty man agrees to the challenges. He runs forwards, and quickly smashes a bottle on big John's head. He then runs upstairs. About half an hour later, he strolls downstairs with a smile on his face. The barman asks "have you completed the challenges?". The man says "not quite, where is that prostitute that needs her bad tooth taken out?".I like that one. 3) A man walks into a bar, and asks for a pint. The barman says "okay but why have you got a giant orange for a head?". He was right. The man did have a giant orange for a head.The man replys "Well its a long story really".The barman goes, "oh thats okay there is hardly any business nowadays".The man goes "okay, well, I was walking to the bar like I usually do, where I found a magic lamp on the floor. I rubbed it and a genie popped out. He granted me three wishes. So my first wish was for world peace. Sure enough, a second later I saw a dog and a cat hugging. So for my second wish, I asked for an infinate amount of money. And sure enough I had money in every pocket.""Wow" said the barman. "What was your third wish?""well for my third wish" the man said, "my third wish was to have an orange for a head."Thats one of my favourite jokes. Sorry for the waste of time, it had to be told. Beans Edited July 5, 2007 by DeeperThanBlack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RicH_87 Posted July 5, 2007 Report Share Posted July 5, 2007 what do you call an irish lesbian?gaelic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
br3n Posted July 5, 2007 Report Share Posted July 5, 2007 Got two jokes...What do you call an asian/welsh shepard?RAMALAMonly joke on the last page that made me chukkle v good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ogre Posted July 5, 2007 Report Share Posted July 5, 2007 what do you call a shop run by nuns?virgin megastores Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
future orange 660 Posted July 5, 2007 Report Share Posted July 5, 2007 speaking of nuns..jethro!http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=HtccG--7muw&...ted&search= Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Posted July 6, 2007 Report Share Posted July 6, 2007 It's not a word joke, but walk around with your arm on your head, and ask someone to guess who you are, and whittly reply 'ahmed'My english teacher was called Miss Ahmed, and i just to do that when she wern't looking, or the same action for putting my hand up and everyone would laugh and she would just ask me for the anser tehe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mini Posted July 6, 2007 Report Share Posted July 6, 2007 (edited) What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you...?Pull out the pin and throw it back Edited July 6, 2007 by mini Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
br3n Posted July 6, 2007 Report Share Posted July 6, 2007 My english teacher was called Miss Ahmedoh the irony... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Posted July 6, 2007 Report Share Posted July 6, 2007 oh the irony...Call that irony?When i was in year 9 i had a SPANISH teacher, trying to teach me ENGLISH, in a FRENCH classroom..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben Cox Posted July 6, 2007 Report Share Posted July 6, 2007 where as i had a Yank try to teach me english and a pakistani teaching RE lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janson Posted July 6, 2007 Report Share Posted July 6, 2007 My english teacher was from latvia. she was crap at english. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ManxTrialSpaz Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 8 forgein doctors, 3 bombs, 0 deaths. Harold Shipman; one doctor, one syringe, 300 dead. Makes you proud to be British! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poopipe Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 8 forgein doctors, 3 bombs, 0 deaths. Harold Shipman; one doctor, one syringe, 300 dead. Makes you proud to be British!superb even if health&safety regulations meant he would have had to use a different syringe for each victim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben Cox Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 superb even if health&safety regulations meant he would have had to use a different syringe for each victimdude, he was a crazy cynical murderer, i dont think he was that bothered if h&s come down on him lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
t.w Posted July 7, 2007 Report Share Posted July 7, 2007 whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple,......................getting raped hahahahahahahahahahahaa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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