I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
That would be illegal. Also, you stand a snowball's chance in hell of making a claim on the first day of your policy. It's really not hard to not break a laptop, just dont throw it about.