In bed, lights off watching Criminal Minds. Finish episode, turn off TV. Heard my moped cover rustling, wasn't the windy kind of rustling, and I heard footsteps on the stones on the drive way (my bedroom is at the front of the house). Got out of bed and peeped between my curtains and I can see the f**kers head but he hasn't noticed me. Put some trousers on (was in boxers, no time to put my Janoski Nikes on) and grab a hammer and surprised him swinging my front door open. Chased him down the road barefoot, he tries to do a 180, doesn't work. Old f**k couldn't outrun me so I swung my hammer at him a few times. He puts his hands up starts to apologise and I threaten him some more with my hammer.
Eventually he wants to go, I didn't have my phone on me to call cops so I threatened him that if I see him around here again the hammer is going through his head. The cheeky f**k asked if he could go back to get his bicycle on the drive way. Did he f**k.
Went back to check my bike, the knob took off two foot panels. Maybe he was trying to get the battery or something? There's literally nothing under there except wires and the frame. If I knew I would have emptied his backpack.
Called cops, turns up 20mins later. Takes statement. Says if they can see someone matching my description of him on the high street CCTVs round the corner they'll get back to me. Unlikely they'll see him though. They take his bicycle back to the station, which is literally 2 mins round the corner. I remember his face very well though, if I see him I'll be sure to get money off him to replace the panels!
Now I can go back to sleep, and my feet are f**king sore.