Papa Manual

Cheers Ben. Persistence pays off. Nowt yet frm Keele. Fingers crossed!

Can I shit all over the road (whilst holding up traffic...)? Maybe I should re-phrase. Can I shit all over the road infront of you? Horses shouldn't be on the roads. It's not the 1800's.

Right. Agreed, people who walk slowly piss the f**king hell out of me. It’s like they have no purpose. I’ll probably end up in Guantanamo Bay for this, but Americans. I dislike the majority of them that I come into contact with. Their little idiosyncratic phrases and overly polite greetings and farewells for instance. I’ve met so many academically ‘intellectual’ Americans who don’t think George Bush is that bad, don’t think that the war in Iraq is anything to do with oil, and don’t believe that preserving the American Way of Life™ at the expense of other countries is something to be ashamed of. I hate the way they’ve infected the English language with their terrible spelling and butt-f**ked the entire world with their war on terror. f**k ‘em. Annnd, the pledge of allegiance. “"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States and to the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all." Horseshit. They can kiss my ass if they think their petrol prices are high too. It’s about a quarter of what we pay in the UK. Also, the way Americans never say bye on the phone, they just hang up. Other things include: Horses (they have strange eyes). Rich kids who get everything paid for and never have to lift a finger in their lives. They can just sit around until mum and dad die and then squander money they’ve never earned on selfish, hedonistic bullshit. People like this rarely have an accurate perception of the value of money and the amount of work and effort it takes the majority of people to get it. The government in Guernsey. Nothing ever changes. It’s an old boys club that you’ll never succeed in gaining membership in unless you’re one of the c**ts who’ll ensure that nothing ever changes. Until a few years ago you could only buy alcohol with food on a Sunday, and couldn’t buy petrol on a Sunday. Racism is still rife amongst local politicians too. Wankers. Mercedes drivers. Cars when I’m riding my bike or bikes when I’m driving my car (although I haven’t driven for nearly four years). Adverts offering loan consolidation. And that f**king NS&I advert with Sir Alan Sugar. People with an exaggerated air of self-importance. For instance, this ex-army cannon-fodder cockrocket I work with has this idea that he’s some kind of investment banker. He does essentially the same job as me which is administrative scumbagery (with a fancy title). The majority of people working in the finance industry in Guernsey (99% of them are administrators) fail to realise that the only reason they have their jobs is because institutions open offices here to EVADE tax under the guise of ‘efficient tax planning’. Why else would multi-national businesses open offices on a piece of rock nine miles long and five miles wide? They also fail to realise that anywhere else in the world they’d need a degree to get the jobs they have. Also, relating to my previous point, people (usually Americans, oddly) who discuss their business affairs very loudly on the phone whilst in airports or on trains. Can’t they be content with knowing how important they are without having to let everyone else know? Government. Labour (who seems to be a contradiction in terms these days), Conservatives, Liberal Democrats, it’s all bullshit. And no, I have no better ideas. Oil companies that spend a tenner a year on renewable energy initiatives (and a few million on the advertising of these initiatives) for the sake of public relations. The French. The Spanish. Germans. Prohibition of drugs. Political correctness. I’ll say f**king blackboard if I want to. Wendy house. Stewardess. Why has an actress suddenly become an actor? And people who say visually challenged instead of blind are f**kwits. Do they think there’s some kind of Crystal Maze-esq puzzle that the blind can beat and no longer be blind? And what the f**k are forkchops? (Notice they’re made in America). Comic Sans. Fox hunting. During January the gym is always packed full of zombies reeling from the Christmas holidays. There are a number of things I used to hate about offices but because I’ve been working in one for going on three years I’ve started to forget what they were. Although, my company provides everyone with a mug that has their name on it. It also has phrases like ‘Yes we will!’ and ‘Under promise over deliver’ faded all over it. Mine broke . Continuing professional development sucks dick too. You can put down shit like reading the paper. The smoking ban, at times. Little sachets of ketchup, especially when you’re charged for them. They’re a ridiculous size. How on earth are you supposed to get a useable amount of sauce from ‘em without squeezing the shit out of about four of them? You get your hands messy and then you have to find room on your plate to put the empty wrappers. Packets of crisps that you get out of multi-packs. The multi-packs themselves are shitloads cheaper when you work out the individual cost of the bag, but then there’s half the number of crisps in them. I think I’m done. This took me so long I had to take a shit half way through. I guess I’m feeling a little tense today.

Conditional from UWE .

I believe that Dells have a feature allowing you to wipe everything off except the operating system so it's pretty much like the first day you get the computer. A couple of other manufacturers have followed suit but it's not across the board.

If you have system restore enabled, select the first restore point.

If your computer runs like shite with XP it will be a f**king nightmare with Vista. Maybe just clean it up a bit, defragment it (in system tools), stick some more RAM in it, and place your dick in the fan.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Vista blows anyway, trust me. On my brand new laptop (pretty high spec) I had to spend a day f**king around just to get it to run with a modicum of stability. The first time I went to shut it down it just froze. Bill Gate can lick my ball sack. I can't decide whether ballack/ball sack is one word or two. Or should I hyphenate? My grasp of the English language is becoming less and less firm the more time passes since school.

Bristols nightlife kicks ass.

Mack for admin.

You can take action up to either three or five years after. I can't remember which.

Taking into account the current economic climate, job prospects etc, sue them. Even if they're the nicest small business in the world, you need to look after yourself. It will most likely come from kind of insurance policy anyway.

f**king do it. And to be fair, if safety equipment was removed you can sue. Unless, of course, you removed this equipment without anyone superior to you knowing and it being in direct contradiction of the company's rules. You can get bare £££ for a finger (or even half of one).

I have a feeling I won't be so lucky. And it'll cost me a fortune with flights. UWE turned me down instantly after submitting my application. I'd been talking to them before submitting it and they said that I'd be more than welcome on their course. I have a feeling that because I don't have A-Levels or a recognised UCAS qualification they automatically rejected me. One e-mail later and it looks like it is being sorted! Nothing back from the other four though. I want to go to Keele more than anywhere else, and that's the toughest one I've applied for.

They've got until the 31 March to let you know. Could be waiting a while mate!

I wonder what sort of microwavable food is preferential to our long necked friends.

ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, THESE DYING ANTELOPES SEEMS TO HAVE DEVELOPED AN UNUSUAL PROFICIENCY FOR USING COMPUTERS.

I'm in love with the feel of your balls.

So far as I know, that's all you need to do. Maybe UCAS just haven't sent your application to the university yet. It may be different for your course though.

Application for what? If you’re on about your university application, you’ve got to apply online through UCAS. You have about 7 hours to get it in if you want to be assessed on a par with other applicants. There's quite a lot of shit to fill out.

Submitted it earlier today .

Is it an unconditional offer? Conditional offers are usually only made when you're awaiting exam results. I had a look on UCAS and it's a recognised qualification so I'd imagine you're home and dry. I still have to sit my exams (in two and a half weeks) and I will only get in to my univercities if I pass. On top of that, the qualification I'm using isn't even UCAS recognised but I contacted the exam board and they provided confirmation in writing that the level at which I'm studying is equivilent to that of the first year of a undergraduate degree, so it's all good. If you have a good reference and strong personal statement I wouldn't worry.

It is indeed listed as one subject. I'm entering with an ICSA Certificate in Finance and Administration (equal to a HND). It covers accounting, investment, trust and company law and general business environment yet I only list one qualification too.

To be honest I don't think you will be looking at a great deal due to the age, geometry etc. Perhaps £100ish depending on how 'used' it all is.

Law at Portsmouth, UWE, Keele, Southampton or Hertfordshire. Hoping to go to Keele but otherwise I'll be going to UWE or Portsmouth I'd have thought.