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The Joke Thread


Synergy

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Why did the woman cross the road?

Never mind that, what the f**k is she doing out of the kitchen?

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Teacher to class "What does your dad do at the weekend?"

Little jack "He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes when the money is right he lets punters bang his arse and come in his mouth"

Teacher pulling jack aside "Is that true?"

"No miss, truth is he goes to watch Man City but I was too embarrassed to say!"

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How do you know if your girlfriend is too young for you?

You have to make aeroplane noises to get your cock in her mouth

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Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

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A Woman is in hospital in need of a blood transfusion.

Luckily her Husband has the same blood type as her, so he gave her 2 pints of his blood.

She soon made a full recovery and the couple lived happily on.

15 years later they divorce and the man asked for EVERYTHING back, including the blood.

So, She whipped out her Bloody Tampon and put it in his hand.

"WHAT THE f**k ARE YOU DOING??" the bloke yelled,

"Paying you back in monthly installments!!"

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just a couple for you lot.

laky

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A woman takes an innocent boy home for sex and wants a 69. The boy asks what it is. She replies, "put your headbetween my legs and i'll do the same to you". When doing it she farts and says sorry, let's try again. She farts again. He gets up and starts to get dressed. "what are you doing" she asks, he says "I'm not hanging around for another 67 of them!"

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A woman takes an innocent boy home for sex and wants a 69. The boy asks what it is. She replies, "put your headbetween my legs and i'll do the same to you". When doing it she farts and says sorry, let's try again. She farts again. He gets up and starts to get dressed. "what are you doing" she asks, he says "I'm not hanging around for another 67 of them!"

ahaha nice one

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There once was a young girl called Maddie

She had such an irresponsible daddy

Snatched from her bed

She's probably dead

Raped by a Portuguese baddy

Q: How much does a meal at your favourite Portugese tapas restaraunt cost?

A: Your child

Edited by Ben Cox
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There once was a young girl called Maddie

She had such an irresponsible daddy

Snatched from her bed

She's probably dead

Raped by a Portuguese baddy

Q: How much does a meal at your favourite Portugese tapas restaraunt cost?

A: Your child

Is it wrong I find these so funny? :unsure:

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  • 4 weeks later...

2 men and a woman get through to the final test to become an FBI hitman.

An officer gives one of the men a shotgun, and says: "Through that door is your wife, in a chair. You must kill her if you wish to become a hitman."

The man walks through the door - but comes out crying after 5 minutes saying: "I just couldn't do it!"

Then the second man is given a shotgun. He is pushed through another door with the same message.

He comes back out after 10 minutes, looking very dissapointed in himself.

He couldn't do it either.

The woman is then given a shotgun. She is told her husband is in the next room, and that she must kill him to become a hitwoman.

As soon as the door closes behind her, a shot went off. Then another.

There is a great deal of bumping, screaming, and weeping coming through the door.

After it goes quiet - the woman comes back through the door absolutely furious.

She shouted at the officer: "Why didn't you f**kin' tell me they were blanks in the gun?! I had to beat him to death with a chair leg!"

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  • 3 weeks later...

going a bit stale here aint it lads?

whats the difference between black people and shoes?

shoes have souls

dont think i will be taking my teddy to sudan not since i named him "smellysuicidebombingblackmuslimtwat"

tad bit racist but tasteful :P

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going a bit stale here aint it lads?

whats the difference between black people and shoes?

shoes have souls

dont think i will be taking my teddy to sudan not since i named him "smellysuicidebombingblackmuslimtwat"

tad bit racist but tasteful :P

I feel a warn, did you not see the other joke thrad?

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