Max Quinn Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) I spunked in my mates sun cream in Kos because he shat on my bed. He may have used the same bottle on family holidays since. Some know, others don't Edited September 14, 2011 by Max Quinn 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) So I was in the toilet this one time excreting, as you do. This was a particularly big excrement because of my recent diarrhea so it was pretty sloppy alongside some large solid poop. I went to flush and then disaster struck. The toilet got clogged leaving the water slowly getting closer to overflowing. I panicked, and seeing that some of the solid stuff was going to go overboard, grabbed some of it in my hands and put it in the sink. I ran out because the water was really close to overflowing and grabbed some cups and used them to get the poo water in the sink so I could deal with the clogging. After it stopped and I'd gotten most of the water out I looked for a plunger, but obviously couldn't find one which left me in a pickle. I ran and got my laptop and proceeded to look up 'how to make a plunger out of every day objects', where I found that by wrapping an ordinary bin bag around a toilet brush, it could do the trick. Tried this and it seemed to work, so I flushed again. Same thing happened with less of a poo to water ratio. Repeatedly tried using my plunger contraption and eventually fixed it and spent quite a while cleaning the sink, carpet, my hands and disposing of the cups. When I revealed myself to my family my mum wanted to know why I had been in the toilet for 2 hours and my best excuse was I accidently fell asleep. TL;DR - Clogged toilet, use hand to transfer excrement, used cups to move poo water, make home made plunger, repeat process, fixed eventually, mum thinks I fell asleep in the toilet when this was going on. Edited September 14, 2011 by bikeperson45 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah Shucksmith Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 ! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LukasMcNeal Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 That's hilarious! My mum just asked me what I was laughing so hard at Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dann2707 Posted September 14, 2011 Report Share Posted September 14, 2011 /thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davetrials Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 I shat my self tuther day. sigh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JT! Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 So I was in the toilet this one time excreting, as you do. This was a particularly big excrement because of my recent diarrhea so it was pretty sloppy alongside some large solid poop. I went to flush and then disaster struck. The toilet got clogged leaving the water slowly getting closer to overflowing. I panicked, and seeing that some of the solid stuff was going to go overboard, grabbed some of it in my hands and put it in the sink. I ran out because the water was really close to overflowing and grabbed some cups and used them to get the poo water in the sink so I could deal with the clogging. After it stopped and I'd gotten most of the water out I looked for a plunger, but obviously couldn't find one which left me in a pickle. I ran and got my laptop and proceeded to look up 'how to make a plunger out of every day objects', where I found that by wrapping an ordinary bin bag around a toilet brush, it could do the trick. Tried this and it seemed to work, so I flushed again. Same thing happened with less of a poo to water ratio. Repeatedly tried using my plunger contraption and eventually fixed it and spent quite a while cleaning the sink, carpet, my hands and disposing of the cups. When I revealed myself to my family my mum wanted to know why I had been in the toilet for 2 hours and my best excuse was I accidently fell asleep. It's pretty impressive the block up a toilet with diarrhea - even with some solid chunks. What I don't get is why your toilet flushes more water down than can actually fit in the basin, I thought it was a standard in toilets not to ever let that happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revolver Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 What I don't get is why your toilet flushes more water down than can actually fit in the basin, I thought it was a standard in toilets not to ever let that happen. Lord knows I'm grateful ours doesn't do it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrDoom Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 http://jforjustice.co.uk/banksters Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miles Mallinson Posted September 15, 2011 Report Share Posted September 15, 2011 I see dead people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radfax Posted September 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 What I don't get is why your toilet flushes more water down than can actually fit in the basin, I thought it was a standard in toilets not to ever let that happen. I have lost count of the amount of times i have been flapping my arms around hoping that it just doesnt come over the brim! Its such a huge releif when it stops just in time. Then the sudden realisation of needing to sort out this horrible disaster you have just created is such a sinking feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 It's pretty impressive the block up a toilet with diarrhea - even with some solid chunks. What I don't get is why your toilet flushes more water down than can actually fit in the basin, I thought it was a standard in toilets not to ever let that happen. Our toilet's not that great, sometimes it does this thing where it continuously has water coming out after flushing. Could do with a new one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomturd Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Just a FYI: our toilet used to block quite regularly (it wasn't my fault... it was the toilet, honest), the only thing I had to stab at it was a length of outer brake cable. I poked it in and around the u-bend, at which point I guess due to the hole running down the inside of the cable, the air pressure was equalised/released and the whole lot got sucked down like magic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luke Dunstan Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 I was in cookery class in school (many years ago) making jam pasties, someone spiked my jam with laxative. The next morning on my paper round I felt a rumble, then sharted. Credit to my professionalism, I had to finish the paper round with stodgy boxers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greetings Posted September 16, 2011 Report Share Posted September 16, 2011 Forgot one more thing, I once stumbled upon something called porn on the internet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonsieurMonkey Posted September 17, 2011 Report Share Posted September 17, 2011 This has been hilarious up to now, and seeing as it seems to be more the "Toilet Disaster Thread", I thought I'd continue on that line. Same as most, blocked the toilet, shitting my self because the water was coming up high then it stopped, like some sort of shit lagoon. It didn't even start to slightly trickle away. Bog brush and plunger were of no help. So I brought in the big guns, a metal coat hanger. It cut through that shit (No pun intended) like a lightsaber. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurence--Trials Posted September 17, 2011 Report Share Posted September 17, 2011 This thread is ace, gotta have some more posts in here. Not a secret.. infact im pretty proud of this. Alex-trial-boy on here.. i pissed all down his leg a cupple of winters ago Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam T Posted September 17, 2011 Report Share Posted September 17, 2011 Not a secret.. infact im pretty proud of this. Alex-trial-boy on here.. i pissed all down his leg a cupple of winters ago That's abit..... gay? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurence--Trials Posted September 17, 2011 Report Share Posted September 17, 2011 Not really.. (it was dark) and he was like laurence where are you so i turned round still having a piss and it went all down his leg. Never laughed so hard in my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bikeperson45 Posted September 17, 2011 Report Share Posted September 17, 2011 Here's another, although it's not actually a secret anymore. My friend's sister borrowed my camping rucksack and when I got it back my dad told me to check in it to see if she forgot something, which she did. I found a nice pair of kinky underwear with some pink lacing. I thought, rather then embarrass her, I'd put it back in the garage and say nothing then dispose of them at a later date. But I thought I should have some fun with having my fiends older sister's underwear and thought of throwing them in his face for some reason. Eventually I forgot. End of part 1. Beginning of part 2. My dad was going camping a few weeks later and used my rucksack. When he was packing the underwear fell out of the rucksack without him noticing and stayed on my bedroom floor, waiting for my mum to find them. I was riding at the time and got a call from my sister saying that my mum was fuming because she found evidence of my dad cheating on her, so I rushed back to sort it out. I didn't want to admit that I had this girls panties at my disposable in case my family thought I was sniffing them of something so decided to gradually pretend to work out where they came from. During this time my 10 year old sister was accused of wearing ridiculously kinky underwear for a 10 year old, my and my brother were accused of cross dressing and obviously my dad was trying to defend himself. When I pretended to suddenly realize where they came from we decided that was the most reasonable explanation of where the mystery panties came from. My secret of the panties was over, but with no one realizing I knew all along. End of part 2. Beginning of part 3. My mum went to he friends house a week later who is the mother of another of my friends. I had told this friend as I had hoped to think of something genius to to do with the panties. He had told his mum this and now she had told my mum, who told my family that I had a pair of kinky panties at my disposal. At last the entire secret was ruined. TL;DR - Came into the possession of friends sister's kinky panties, almost led to family crisis, secret ruined by friends mum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam T Posted September 17, 2011 Report Share Posted September 17, 2011 Not really.. (it was dark) and he was like laurence where are you so i turned round still having a piss and it went all down his leg. Never laughed so hard in my life. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJJj-TlrikM 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark W Posted September 17, 2011 Report Share Posted September 17, 2011 Just a FYI: our toilet used to block quite regularly (it wasn't my fault... it was the toilet, honest), the only thing I had to stab at it was a length of outer brake cable. I poked it in and around the u-bend, at which point I guess due to the hole running down the inside of the cable... I was almost certain that was going to end with some sort of brake cable shit fountain type scenario. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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